took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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