just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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