So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
what day is it and did you see me today?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
