I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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