I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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