I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
