i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
