i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
they're like a gay fantastic four
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm too high and old for this...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
