shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
