PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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