need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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