You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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