some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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