I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
