Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
