the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
