i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
