there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
