theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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