They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
