explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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