Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I DEMAND FORESKIN
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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