yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
