So drunk its hurt
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
nutella sex= disaster
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
