EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
