Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yo dont text me then not text me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize