If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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