friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
