its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You took a bar mat shot.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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