This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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