Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
