she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
