two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
