I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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