Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I touched a dick in church today
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