i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
