everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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