my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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