Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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