I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
