i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
