Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
