no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we're making bets on your personal life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
