the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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