I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
