We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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