Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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