I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
