i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
