great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
