I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
