There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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