We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
