Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
