i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
