Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
