I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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