I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
