I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
