So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i've created a new STD.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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