Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
