I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
