while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
