Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize