Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
