don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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