We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
