At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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