Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
