the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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