i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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