I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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