This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
