everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
did i walk over a car last night?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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