isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
