well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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