i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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