im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
