the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
