I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
