I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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